Changes.....

It's really a good thing I like change, for the most part, although here lately, I feel like I cannot keep up with the changes.  My boss just left for the very last time, she's retired after 35 years and I have very mixed emotions about it.  While I am beyond thrilled for her and this time in her life, she has more than earned it, it was hard to watch 35 of years of experience walk out the door.  She was pretty easy to work with (she never made me feel like I worked *for* her) and I am unsure of how things will be with her replacement. 

I am choosing to not be afraid, I am speaking that, because if I keep that in front of me, in my heart, in my mouth, in my mind, what I focus on WILL be my reality.  I know that God has only good things in store for me and yet I feel like I am struggling with keeping myself together lately. 

The tears feel like they are *right there* all the time.  Like at any moment the floodgates are going to open and I am just going to cry like a little girl.  I am not sure if that would be a good thing or a bad thing.  I am continually speaking what I know to be true about myself because THE WORD says it. 

As Pastor Chuck said last night, "I am where I am but I do not have to stay here".  But that is just it, it is up to me, not to be good enough for God, that is not what I mean, but to believe what His word says about me and live it.  ONLY believe.....that is all I have to do. 

The Bible says that His people perish for a lack of vision, well I have to get and keep the vision for my life planted squarely in front of me, that vision is for me - a healthy weight with an in shape body, a properous financial future (to be able to give and give and give and never look back), a healthy family, a strong marriage relationship and a positive attitude about myself.

That does not sound too bad does it.....now to keep that in front of me.......change it is a coming.....and I am ready for it....

Mistakes.....

Well I have made my share and probably about 65 other people's share of them.  Some bigger than others.  I find myself in a situation I did NOT think I would ever be in again.  DEBT up to my eyeballs.  We were on a debt management program for a year and we were still barely making ends meet so we switched to a  debt settlement program because we thought it would make things easier on the month to month.  Boy was that a huge mistake.  The phone calls have started again because in the process of getting the "settlement" side of it set up, there are no payments being made.  I am trying not to be physically ill every time the phone rings. 

When we switched from Management to Settlement they told us we could "easily" switch back to the management program if we found the settlement was not working out for us.  Well guess what.....NOPE.  I called today and they said that the likelihood of the creditors accepting the management proposals a second time was slim to none.  So the phone calls will keep coming and I will have to continue to tell them that we are doing everything we can think of to make this work, but the calls will keep coming until some arrangements are made.  I know that our debt is our fault, and I will not get into the ins and outs of all of ours, but I am so disappointed to be here again. 

So as it is right now, I am standing completely on the fact that I KNOW that I KNOW God will NOT allow us to go hungry or lose our house, but things could stand to be A LOT better and I am looking forward to the things to come and trying not to dwell on the past. 

I am writing all of this just because I had to get it out.  If you have managed to read to this point, my desire is that you will stand in agreement with us that the right doors will open, the money will pour in from any and every direction and that I will not have a mental breakdown in the waiting process....I came very close yesterday and it was not pretty....

Serving.....

By far my most favorite thing in the world.  I am always so thankful for any opportunity to serve.  Today our church participated in a community wide SHINE project.  The "My Fathers House" ministry was given two very old buildings to turn into a "mission", food and clothing pantry.  I hope to hear from the directors soon with some further instruction on how to get more involved from these beginning stages.  I cannot wait. 

I am  so thankful that my Pastors got us involved with this project.  This has been my hearts desire for a long time and I hope that the directors took me seriously when I said I wanted to do whatever they needed. 

This morning was spent clearing the insulation and ceiling tiles, well not me, I was outside weilding a rake for two hours straight.  We had a great time, it was a lot of work, but the fellowship was great and the sense of accomplishment when we quit was amazing. 

Days like this I am reminded how much I long to not be sitting in a cubby everyday. How much I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt I am meant for something more fulfilling than selling insurance to lawyers.  But how do you make that happen when your finances call for you to have a job that pays well?  Well I will tell you what I'm going to do.  I am going to trust God to provide for finances to be taken care of and a new door to be opened. 

I will keep you posted!!!!

Another day

Another dollar....or something like that.  I am sitting here in my living room and for the first time in a REALLY long time I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it is....in fact....NOT a train.  Several times in the course of the last year, the only thing that kept me from believing it WAS a train was the faith to know that God would NOT let it be a train.

A lot of things have happened recently, some things that had me questioning every thing I thought about some things and some people.  But I was absolutely determined to not give into fear or doubt, kept my eyes and heart on God and trusted that HE would make things right.  It took some serious determination and mental fortitude and I am thankful that my dear friend Deanna always had the right words and a ready prayer over the last week.  Deanna you may never read this, but I am so thankful for you and your friendship. 

Now I am confident and want to share that confidence with anyone that is reading this, GOD IS FAITHFUL, He does have our best interest at heart and HE will work all things together for good for those that love HIM.  

I do not want to go into detail because God knows all of it, but suffice it to say that I was unsure of just about everything around me but He kept me going, He kept my heart in check and He has honored my heart's dedication to Him. 

I am finally beginning to see some of the things that I have had my heart set on come to pass.  Was there a price?  Only the price of forgiveness which is as much a gift to myself as those I have chosen to forgive.  Where would I be if God withheld His forgiveness....

I just want to......

Eat, watch tv, scream, take a bath, laugh, cry, run, walk, lock myself in a room, read a book, run away from home, go on vacation, yell, tickle my kids, pet my dog, hug someone, or sleep. 


I do not even know which one of those is the most pressing at the moment, ever had one of those days? 


And with that.....that is all......

The Raising of Teenage Girls....

Well I have come upon a point that I was not ready for.  My beautiful teenage girl has come to a place where she is looking to me to help her understand an unknown mystery......

THE TEENAGE BOY.......

After a fabulous evening at the military ball, and 10 hours straight of texting between the two of them the very next day, for some reason, unknown to all of us, he has quit communicating with her.  She's perplexed.  She has stepped so far out of her comfort zone with this young man, texting first, calling to ask him to the movies, buying him a valentines day card AND his favorite candy.  But alas, nothing.  No response texts, no to the movies and not so much as a thank you for the Valentine Card and Candy. 

I'm torn between being several females here.  First there is the teenage girl inside that remembers all too well what it feels like to be that girl that desperately just wants to noticed, wants desperately for him to think she's beautiful, and longs for him to just once hold her hand as they walk throught the school hallway.  Second, there's the best friend girl that wants to take the young man and push him up against the wall and say "what are you thinking?  Why are you ignoring my girl?  Why did you give her the impression that you wanted to be her boyfriend and then leave her hanging?" 

And last, but certainly not least, is the mom that says "honey, dating is not worth it right now, you need to focus on your grades, do not worry about boys or boyfriends or anything like that.  There are more important things in life like being grounded in Christ."

While I want to wrap her in bubble wrap and protect her from all of the pain and heartache that comes along with dating and crushes and puppy love, I know that these things will happen whether I wrap her in bubble wrap or not.  I am sure there is not enough bubble wrap in the world to protect her from heartache that will come, so with that in mind, I will choose to be the Mom who points her to the unfailing, everlasting, never changing, enduring, unconditional love that can only come from God.  

And pray, lots of praying....and maybe many nights of ice cream, reese's peanut cups and girl talk.  

It may be a bumpy ride....but I am looking forward to the journey.... 

Busy, busy, busy....

That pretty much describes my life over the course of the past couple of days.  It started with some bad weather last week that left me in traffic trying to get home for more than two hours (although I fared much better than some that were stuck for up to 7 hours). 

Friday was Jacole's birthday party and her mom surprised her by coming in for the weekend.  Saturday was "Wendy K" day.  Her birthday is the 10th and we started celebrating by taking her to Easely Amused.  What a blast that was.  I will have to come back and post pictures of that later as they are all still currently on my cell phone. 

After that started the preparation for the Military ball.  Hannah and Jacole's first. And my girl Hannah has a date.  Very sweet and cute young man named Curt.  They has a blast and my daughter looked like a princess.  She started the day in a pair of jeans and a flannel button down shirt and this was the finished product.

Wendy trasnformed my baby girl from the sweet adorable girl to the beautiful mature princess that you see above.  I must say though, that my daughter had more product in her hair that night than I have ever had in my entire life.  She kept putting more stuff in, including baby powder (who knew????).  Now I know why Wendy looks glamorous every time I see her and why my routine takes 30 mintues, including showering and dressing.  Ha. 

Yesterday was my dad's surgery.  He was diagnosed with prostate cancer last year.  Thankfully it was caught VERY early and they removed his prostate yesterday.  Prognosis is excellent.  They are confident it had not spread, they removed the lymph nodes as well and we expect him to go home tomorrow and be back to his engineering self in no time.  Thank YOU God for the peace you provided throught this entire experience.  Relying on YOU and nothing else is an amazing feeling. 

Things should slow down a bit now (I hope)....

Have a blessed day....