Sunday, May 6, 2012

Direction...

Wow, it's been almost a year since I was here last.  It's been a long year to say the least.  More ups and downs than I care to elaborate on.  I spent the earlier part of this week rereading everything previously posted and honestly considered deleting every last post.

Now as I sit here at way past when I should have been asleep, I'm questioning every thought, every decision, every desire I've had in the past year, and if I'm honest even farther back than that.  The one question that I keep asking myself and a couple of other people is "How did I end up here?". I've wasted so much time on the wrong things and even some things that may have been the right things at the wrong time. 

I thought that by now I'd have things figured out.  After the divorce I thought, 'maybe now I would finally get a grip on who Dawn is and what she wants out of life'.  Sadly, what I've realized is that I am farther from that knowledge than I ever have been. 

Somewhere in the last 10 months I seem to have lost sight of everything and honestly have no idea where to even begin to start to try to get back to myself.  The problem is I have no clue who "myself" is.

Which leads me to this question, "How can you get back to something or somewhere you don't know if you've ever been to to begin with?"