Tuesday, October 26, 2010

living life from the back seat

I feel like lately I am living my own life from the back seat, like maybe I'm not really living it with myself in the driver's seat.  I've allowed circumstances and emotions to drive me instead of allowing Jesus in me to drive me. 

There are days I literally feel like I did when i was kid trying to see out the front window to see where we were going, but only catching stuff as it flew by the side window and in actuality usually missing it completely. 

I feel like I'm in a constant battle with myself on what I am supposed to be doing, who I am supposed to be, who/what gets priorty.  My focus has been to get myself back to my first love, Jesus.  I know that when HE is in the driver's seat, I'm at least in the passenger seat and an active participant in the direction I'm heading. 

I think my biggest struggle right now is feeling like I have no clue what I am supposed to be doing.  I don't believe that I'm meant to be an Insurance Agent for all of eternity, or even for life on earth for that matter.  But I don't feel like I have truly found my calling, my plan.  I know my purpose is to live to show the world Jesus, be a light for Him in a dark world, but what about His plan for my life?  What is it that I'm to be doing in the process of living with a purpose? 

I am, as of this moving, moving out of the back seat of my own life and determined to allow Jesus to be the driver and me to assist in navigation.  With HIM in the driver's seat and me following HIS leading, I know I'll end up where I'm supposed to. 

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